Thursday, July 15, 2010

I miss my babies

Today a friend of mine was speaking about when her daughter was a baby.. She spoke about breast feeding. That is 1 thing I really wish I got to experience with my babies.. I mean, I am greatful that I got to hold my babies alive, change their nappies. I got to bath them, (even though they had died by then)and they did have my milk but it was through a tube.. :( For months after they died I dreamt about breastfeeding them.. I just wish I got the chance.. Then thinking about missing out on that makes me think of the other things I have and will miss out on for the rest of my life.. Their smiles, crawling, walking, talking, their CUDDLES!!! I just miss them and wish they were here. I love you Taite and Seth, Mummy misses you EVERY DAY!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Hmm..

Not much to say. It was my birthday on Friday.. 29 years old.. Last year of my 20's!! I had a good time. But that thought was always there Although I am having a good time, it still should be different, I should have my babies here with me That is a thought that is never going to go away.. Ever! No matter what I am doing.. I miss my babies so much.. I wonder what they would be like now, what they would be doing and just how different my life would be.

I am proud of myself though. I have come a long way and my grief, although is always there and is always strong, it doesn't define me. I could still let it, and sometimes I do, but I really really want to be happy and I am doing my best to take the appropriate actions to do that. I hope my babies are proud of the person I have grown into, and although I hate to admit it, maybe if they hadn't had died, this wouldn't have happened.. Maybe them dying did give me this gift.. Even if it did though I would prefer the gift of motherhood! But I am trying to take control of the things I have control over and let myself be happy..

About Me

I am a Nurse and Mama to 2 Angels and a premmy Miracle

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