Saturday, January 15, 2011

Today...

Today I was up at 5am.. Today it occured to me that I didn't think about the fact my chilren died until 9.40am.. It was 4 and a half hours from waking until I consciously thought about them..Wow! I don't know how I feel about that.. As you may know from previous posts as time goes on I am feeling further and further away from them.. I don't want to be in the depths of grief, but I don't want to forget them.. Memories are all I have. I'm scared.. What if I get to a point where I go a day without thinking of my Son's.. I don't want that.. Remembering, not remembering, it all sux because they died and I shouldn't be in this position.. I am not sure what to feel about what occured to me today..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Just wanted to post

I love you Taite and Seth and I miss you so much. I wish things were different.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Another year!

Dear Taite and Seth,

Well, Mummy did it! I made it through another year without you.. I wish so much that you were here with me, being cheeky little 2yo ratbags.. I miss you so much, and not a single day goes by where I don't think of your precious little faces.. I wonder what you would have looked like, how your little personalities would shine. I wonder what life would have been like as your Mummy. I hate that you couldn't stay. As each year passes I feel further and further away from you.. I want time to stop.. I want to go back to when you were alive. I have never been so proud in my life. Taite James and Seth David, my little twinnys.. So tiny, so perfect. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mummy. I miss you xx

I wish I could brag about my son's without other people freaking out. I am a mother to the most precious boys in the world. I wish I was acknowledged like that. I don't want to be labelled 'strong' I don't want people to wonder how I get out of bed every day, I just want to be acknowledged as a Mum to beautiful twin boys who were too perfect to stay..

I don't have new photo's to show, I never will. I don't have new stories, but the stories I do have are so special and I am willing to relieve those 24wks of pregnancy and 12 days of being a mummy over and over. I felt many emotions during that time, but I have never been so happy as I was when my twins were alive..

About Me

I am a Nurse and Mama to 2 Angels and a premmy Miracle

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