Saturday, January 15, 2011

Today...

Today I was up at 5am.. Today it occured to me that I didn't think about the fact my chilren died until 9.40am.. It was 4 and a half hours from waking until I consciously thought about them..Wow! I don't know how I feel about that.. As you may know from previous posts as time goes on I am feeling further and further away from them.. I don't want to be in the depths of grief, but I don't want to forget them.. Memories are all I have. I'm scared.. What if I get to a point where I go a day without thinking of my Son's.. I don't want that.. Remembering, not remembering, it all sux because they died and I shouldn't be in this position.. I am not sure what to feel about what occured to me today..

1 comment:

  1. BAL - sweetie - I know it's scary - but you will never forget your boys, never. If you don't consciously think of them, it doesn't mean that you're not thinking of them, remembering them, it's just happening at a deeper level than you are aware.

    My blossom, this is going to sound odd, but I think ( not consciously thinking of Seth and Tait for a few hours) it actually means that you love them more now.... because you have the courage and strength to quietly include them in everything you do without having to consciously do it.

    Just looking at their pics again, god they are gorgeous boys.

    Dory

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About Me

I am a Nurse and Mama to 2 Angels and a premmy Miracle

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