On the weekend I went back to my hometown for a friends birthday party.. While I was there I caught up with my Mummy (Yay!) and many other people.. Some people I hadn't seen for 10yrs or more. Some people that knew I was a Mummy, ssome people that didn't.. Either way, I got to tell people about my beautiful boys to people that actually hadn't heard it before! I feel that EVERYONE knows about the twins, and because there's no new experrience or pics to show, I'm just telling people the same story, over and over.. It was nice to have a bit of a Mummy brag and to have people look at my pictures and tell me how beautiful my son's were.. I chose carefully who I showed the pics to because I knew I would get upset if I could see they were uncomfortable..
I only had 1 bad experience.. 1 person (a male) saw me and asked if I had kids yet.. I thought he may have known but obviously he didn't, anyway, I said Yeah I did have twins 2yrs ago, but they were premmie and died.. He said "Oh well, 2yrs, you'd be over it by now wouldn't you"
I laughed and said sarcastically "Yeah, it only takes 2 yrs to get over when your kids die" He said "Oh well, you know what I mean, you're alright" I just nodded and said dryly "Yeah, I'm alright" and changed the subject.. I was pretty proud of myself, if something like that had been said a year ago I probably would have thrown my champagne in his face and abused him! Lol Now at least I can laugh at his utter ignorance!
I also find it amusing that because I went through this traumatic experience of losing my children, people ask if I am going to try again.. Some are shocked when I say yes without a doubt.. Of course I'm scared, but I want to be a Mum.. Nothing will change that for me.. Maybe it does for some though....
Anyway, apart from that ignorant comment, Yay for my Mummy brag, but I also found it was a trigger in other ways. I saw a girl there, a daughter of someone at the party. Last time I saw her she was literally a child.. Now she is 22 with 3 kids! It kind of made me sad that I was my age and still childless.. My babies should have come on this holiday with me.. When I was on the plane I kept visualising what it would have been like, taking my 2yr old twins down to meet people they had never seen before. I wished they were here to show off.. But they aren't so I just thought about them, and talked about them lots instead..
All in all I had a great weekend. Things are going pretty well at the moment, I still get sad (of course) and I hate TAFE, but I am feeling ok about my life, which is always a good feeling :)
Stories from the Storm: Call for Submissions
8 months ago