Just let me sleep...

I am awake at 11pm still. I am normally in bed early unless I am partying! For the last 3 nights I haven't been able to get to sleep til 1am or so. Then I wake feeling like shit.

I am feeling a bit down at the moment, with easter coming up, the the dreaded mother's day.. I just wish I could sleep til it's over and wake up pregnant. I want to be a Mum, but even if I had another baby this pain wouldn't heal.. I just don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life.. How can I do it? This will be my 3rd Easter without Taite and Seth and although my grief has improved on a day to day basis, these family holidays and anniversaries are still as hard as they were the 1st year. Only difference is I have an idea of what's coming and I know I have felt it before.. I just hate it. I hate that my son's aren't here with me, and I hate that I am not yet a mother when I should be.. :(