A Mothers Grief

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
he moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The moment I start to speak my heart, You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,you see,
friends no longer come around,
I'll take the words I want to say And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now, I guess they don't know what to say
They told me I'll be there for you, then turned and walked away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call and screaminto the phone, My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me say the words
I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending my heart hammers in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me
reach out and take my hand,
Say " My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember till the day
I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

Written by Kelly Cummings

I wish I had found this poem when I lost Taite and Seth. It is so true. However I have been so blessed to have many good friends that I can talk about my babies too. I have bored many of them 1000 times with the same stories. There are a lot of people that get really uncomfortable though. I can't blame them. It's not nice to talk about, but it's frustrating when people think it's too upsetting for them when it didn't happen to them.. At this stage I find I am avoiding stories of miscarriage and loss for my own reasons. I really appreciate the fact I can choose to avoid these stories though now. I am still living my own nightmare of loss though and that will never go away..

The little things..

Last night as I logged off my computer I noticed how beautiful my son's ears were. So little, so cute, so perfect. It's strange how sometimes things like that just catch your eye sometimes. I look at that picture of them together every day and it's the screen saver on my computer, but for some reason last night it was their ears that drew my attention. I miss those ears. I remember one of Seth's ears was squashed from him laying on it.. Very very cute. I miss you Taite and Seth. I wish you were here and we gave you the coolest names EVER!! :)