Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Getting left behind..

I found out a couple of days ago that a couple from the Bonnie Babes support group that I go to are expecting again.. They have been going to Bonnie Babes a month less than me. I am so happy for them, I really am, but there is still that pang of jealousy. I wish it was me.. Actually, I wish I never had to go to Bonnie Babes. I wish Taite and Seth were born healthy and survived.. I miss my babies so much.. It got me to thinking though I wonder if it will make their daughter's birthday/angelversary easier to cope with? I wanted to be pregnant by the time Taite and Seth's birthday came, but on further thinking, I don't think it would matter. Maybe it would give more hope for the future, but there is no way it would take away the pain... A lot of the blogs I have been reading over the past year, now have a subsequent baby or pregnancy. It's hard not to feel left behind.. I am a little bit worried about how I will go at the meetings now. Bonnie Babes was like my safe house.. I really hope I can keep going without it hurting too much. I really don't want it to bother me, but I am scared it might. All I can do is just go and see how I feel. Then deal with those feelings as they happen.

I keep dreaming I am pregnant, and the weirdest dream I had was the other night I dreamed I had triplets! 2 boys and a girl.. But it was like the boys were Taite and Seth.. and although they were in NICU in my dream they were about 1yr old!! Since the boys died I have begged them to come and see me in my dreams.. Maybe they finally are :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi My name is Jennifer, I'm so sorry to hear about your babies:( I know what it is like to lose a child. I also gave birth to identical twin boys Austin&Matthew. I gave birth to my son's by emergency C-section at 27weeks because of a condition called twin to twin transfusion. Austin was only 12oz at birth. I have to say that he is a miracle well both of my boys are but Austin was only given 24hrs to live:( Austin passed away back in August of 09. He was only 8 months old. Thankfully I still have Matthew, if i didnt have him I dont think i could go on!

    But I just wanted to let you know that im really sorry about your son's. But I know that my son Austin and your sons are in a better place now and they watch over us each and everyday.

    bless all the tiny angels in heaven.

    thanks for listening:)
    Jennifer

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About Me

I am a Nurse and Mama to 2 Angels and a premmy Miracle

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