Thursday, December 3, 2009

Letter to my little Twinnys :)

Dear Taite and Seth,

Today is 1 year exactly since you left this earth.. I remember so much of that day. I remember you, Taite with that frown on your precious little face. I remember when Meme was holding you for the 1st and last time how you were so comfy, your ventilation got dislodged and you had a brady right there.. I was standing there while nurses rushed, alarms sounded and you were brought back to this cruel world, but it wasn't to be for much longer.. I just needed you to die in my arms.. I needed to hold you alive for the 3rd and last time.. And Seth, you were very quiet that day, but made your presence known by slightly opening both your eyes for the 1st time.. I remember the look of peace on both your little faces as you were leaving this earth.. When Daddy and I layed you together.. In the last year I have felt so many emotions. The hardest emotion is the unknowing.. Not knowing what the hell is the right thing to do but doing what is right at the time.. I have struggled with the decision we made to let you go. Sometimes I think we didn't give you much of a chance to fight. But then I have another overwhelming emotion that tells me that the decision was the right one, because as your mother I am supposed to protect you, therefore my duty has been fulfilled. You fought for 12 days, babies, and, I have protected you from having a life of hurt anger and sorrow. No more fighting.. Our boys, You deserve beauty, peace and happiness. I really hope that wherever you are, my precious son's, you know how desperately you were wanted and how much I miss you and what should have been.

Love Always,

Mummy xxxxx

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I am a Nurse and Mama to 2 Angels and a premmy Miracle

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